I have found many kindred spirits in my years, but I realize that, as a married woman, it is very difficult to find a bosom friend. Perhaps its because my husband is supposed to be my only bosom friend (and he is, Oh, how he is), but I think it is more because it takes a lot of TIME to create the bond of a bosom friend, and I just don't have that kind of time to spend outside my home. I should clarify that I wouldn't want to spend that kind of time outside my home, away from my family.
So does it just take years and years to develop that kind of friendship with someone? Is it impossible as an adult to have the types of friendships we had as children?
You know the kind, where you trust the other person with your deepest secrets, you share the stories of your life, they know the relationship you have with your parents, the dreams you have for your future, your fears and insecurities. The kind of friendship that doesn't end when you're busy, or it's late.
I guess I'm describing a marriage. :) And I don't mean for an outside friendship to infringe on the closeness and intimacy of a marriage, but really, can you have a BEST friend as an adult married woman?
Your thoughts.....
3 comments:
My thoughts EXACTLY. I suppose sisters may fill this role? I'm not certain, every sisterly relationship is different and I don't have sisters.
I think it's possible and definitely a positive thing. I think it's important for women to have close girlfriends. A lot of women have a close relationship with a sister or a past friend that carries through to adulthood. But the trick about that is they usually need to live in close proximity to really fill that role. I don't have a bosom friend right now, but I did have one in Salem - Reva Johnson. We could talk about anything and helped each other with everything. It definitely takes time and a lot of intentional effort. It's not as easy to make friends as when I was a kid. I'd just walk up and ask if they wanted to play. Now we can't really use those words so we have to plan some kind of activity and then figure out what the kids will do while we're "bonding". It can feel impossible, that's for sure. But if you feel a need for that I wouldn't give up. Be intentional about who you want to have a close relationship with and then find ways to get together.
Reva and I took turns going to each other's houses and cleaning, since that was a hard thing for both of us to get done. We alternated weeks. We'd go for 2-3 hours one morning and work together. You really get to know people and open up when you're cleaning each other's toilets and dirty dishes.
That's my two bits. Hope it's helpful.
If you are giving this some thought though, perhaps you need to schedule in time to make connections with women. I know I am not a good example of taking time for that--it is something I am working on though.
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