The Person I Wish I Were

Okay, be prepared for a slightly depressing post on my inadequacies and failures.

This is the person I wish I were:

I spend most of my day teaching my toddler his alphabet, numbers, shapes, animals and their sounds, etc.

I wake up each morning and go to the gym and then come home and shower and do my hair and make-up and put on nice clothes

I have taught my son not to hit, kick, or spit, and he almost always obeys, helps clean up, uses polite language like please and thank you, and sits quietly and plays with his toys or reads books when we are places like church, the doctors office, in line at the post office, etc.

I always have a meal ready each evening, even if it is a little later than I'd like. But I always have at least three dishes as well as a salad and it's not always culinary perfection, but it's always pretty good and very healthy.

I have taught my son to eat his vegetables, even though he doesn't love them yet.

I am always on time to appointments, meetings, etc. Sometimes I am even early, and I always have my bag packed with activities and books for the kids, as wells as extra clothes, diapers, food, etc. I'm always prepared for every situation.

I am very dependable. I never forget when I am asked to do something and I always prepare in plenty of time so that I can do it well.

I always do little things for my husband to remind him that he is important to me, and that I love him. Notes in his lunch, a call just to say I love him, a special treat from the grocery store (usually ice cream).

I keep my home neat and tidy. Dishes don't pile up in the sink (or all over the counters), and I keep my laundry hamper empty most of the time. I iron my husbands shirts and pants so that he doesn't have to wonder whether the shirt he wants to wear that day is wrinkled. Toys get put away each night and Jeremiah has learned to clean up all his own toys after being asked only once.

I am very organized. I am the CEO and CFO of our household. Each day is productive and I never let tasks go undone for very long.

I always take at least an hour to get the kids ready for bed, bathing, brushing and flossing teeth, choosing pj's, making sure we talk about our day, read books, sing songs, say prayers and tuck in their bed by 8:00pm. This routine rarely gets disrupted, even when patience is running low and time is running short.

OK - This is the person I am:

Most of my day is spent trying to control chaos. Jeremiah watches Sesame street, or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse while I do apartment management stuff, answer emails, pay bills, fold clothes, do dishes, or just take (long) breaks surfing the blogging world for cute crafting, sewing, or decorating projects that would be so fun to do someday (someday when I get off my butt and actually do them)

Each morning I wake up. (Thats as much as I can guarantee) And I do wear clothes of some sort. Often times it's dance pants and a t-shirt. Showering... I usually remember at the end of the day that I haven't showered yet, so I take a quick one before bed, but doing my hair and make up? I usually do on sunday for church, it's a special occasion.

My child hits, kicks, spits, says rude things like "Hi Poo Poo" or "Stop it!!" and thinks that any open area is there for his enjoyment, like the post office, doctors offices, church halls, etc. He thinks they are the perfect place to "run fast like dash" and explore all the fun things that look like kids aren't supposed to touch.

Dinner... yes.... sometimes we eat it. I was doing well for a while. I was planning menus and doing my grocery shopping for the week. Lately I'm lucky if I make one dish for dinner, and have it ready sometime before 7pm.

Vegetables, yes, Jeremiah knows what they are, they are the colorful things on his plate that he won't touch.

Being on time is really just a dream now. I am generally between 10-15 minutes late to everything and I always seem to forget something that I need, a diaper, a coat (it's been below freezing the past week), a child (okay, I've never actually done this, but knowing me I totally would get Leah ready in her car seat and then forget to take her out to the car).

I have learned to volunteer for less because I seem to forget until the last minute those things I have volunteered for, or even just the things that I know I am supposed to do for months, but procrastinate and remember about the night before, like sharing time, or emails for playgroup.

My poor husband is so patient with me. He's lucky if he gets a "Hi" when he walks in the door at the end of the day. It's usually a "Hey, can you change Leah's diaper I need to go get the knives from Jeremiah that he found in the kitchen drawer". Is it so much to ask for me to simply say "Hi babe, I'm so glad you're home" before I begin the long list of things I want him to do that very same moment?

My house right now.... clean dishes still in the dishwasher (you know its bad when you just use your dishwasher as a cupboard) dirty dishes in the sink and all over the counters, clean laundry from two days ago that I finally folded today (it might get to the point where we use the laundry baskets as dressers, just find what you need for that day) I did manage to clean up most of the little toys, but the stuff that I was tripping over and just didn't want to see anymore was just put in the office and I shut the door behind me!

Bedtime is less than rigid in our house. the other night Jeremiah went to sleep finally at 11:30... Tonight Jeremiah was being less than charming and I put him to bed without a bath, brushing teeth, books, songs, prayer... nothing. Just "goodnight, I love you" and shut the door behind me. If I didn't do that I think I would have strangled the kid. (I wouldn't REALLY, don't worry, but I might have pulled my hair out, or started crying... yup, I definately probably would have started crying)

So... now that you all know how far I am from where I want to be I want your input... How do I get there? How do I motivate myself to be that wonderful wife, mother, friend and person that I want to be? What has helped you?